I'd Tap That
by CanoeingCutie
Summary: Bella takes a yoga class. Mike drools. Chaos ensues. R


**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, they're all Stephenie Meyers.**

After one too many falls down the stairs at the Cullen mansion, Bella was forcibly enrolled into yoga with Rosalie and Alice. Esme was the hopeful instructor with much patience. Much, MUCH patience – after all, Bella is still the world's biggest klutz. Yoga was the Cullen's last resort in their endless attempt towards correcting her horrid stability.

Unfortunately, Esme's yoga class was held in the small, dank backroom of Mike Newton's parents' store. Esme just didn't have the patience to get a bigger room when the little, closet-sized space was free for use. Esme did have marvelous patience – just not enough when it came to Bella's deathly spills due to her clown balance. That, and the three person class was just too small for a room at the Y.

The first day of yoga went smoothly. Bella only fell five times, which was far less than Jasper and Emmett had bet on. (They both guessed 11 and had to forfeit twenty dollars each to Edward.) It was during one of the upside down and twisty poses – the kind that made Bella fall the most – that Mike Newton walked by and froze in his tracks.

He was on his break after debating with two customers over which style of Crocs would be best for their ten day canoeing trip. The two customers both settled on traditional beach Crocs, simply because they came in the most colors. Anyway, Mike was exhausted after spilling fact after fact about Crocs. He figured he'd rest in the backroom, unaware that Esme's yoga class was being held in there. Upon reaching the "quaint" room he stopped.

There standing – or rather twisting – in her yoga-pants clad glory was the "Love of His Life" (Cough cough – hardly) BELLA SWAN! His eyes nearly popped out as he stood there watching her twist and bend and curl and…fall. He tilted his head, marveling at her clumsiness, (it was just so darn CUTE!) a look creeping on to his face that slightly resembled that of a dog about to eat a pound of beef.

While Mike was busy gazing at Bella, Edward strode into the store and sat down in one of the few chairs set outside the backroom/yoga classroom. He looked once at Mike, chuckled, and began reading a book he'd cleverly brought along in case the class ran late. Mike was only vaguely aware that someone had joined him. Whoever it was didn't speak, so he couldn't have cared less – all he cared about now was watching Bella move in uncomfortable but hot looking poses.

The class was almost finished now and Bella had switched to an awkward bendy pose. Mike was practically drooling! He didn't remember the other person in the room and sighed.

"I'd tap that!" He said in a low, grizzly voice.

The atmosphere tensed. Even an imbecile like Mike could tell. The person who he'd neglected to look at was standing right behind him now. _Probably just a puny nerd, _Mike thought,_ he won't stand a chance with MY Bella…better make that clear somehow._

"That Bella Swan is one FINE creature!" He boomed confidently, "One day she'll be my woman and no one else will have her!"

"Oh is that so?" asked the sly, mocking voice behind him. A voice that smooth and that clear could only belong to Edward Cullen, Bella's intimidating (but suave) boyfriend.

Mike pivoted, reluctantly, and was face to face with Edward. _Oh crap._ Mike thought.

"What were you saying about Bella? That she'd be YOUR woman?"

Edward chuckled again and took a stealthy step towards Mike. Mike could tell he'd screwed up – and more than he usually did, for he screwed up quite often – and that Edward was about to make him pay.

"Uh…Edward? Eddie? You won't hurt me will you?" He choked nervously, his throat suddenly dry and cracked.

A mischievous smile curled onto Edward's lips. He slowly shook his head, Mike let out a sigh of relief. Then, Edward paused, as if considering his answer. His sly grin grew larger and he nodded, stepping closer as he did. _WHAT?! He changed his mind?_ Mike silently hollered, _Man am I in for it this time. I'm going to be beat harder than the time I got caught eating Mrs. Maltzman's matzo balls on Shabbat!_

Edward had Mike cornered now. He raised his balled up fist above his head and swiftly plunged it down, stopping just before touching Mike's nose. He then extended one, long finger and poked Mike's cheek. Mike just about died from fright, but he didn't. He wet his pants instead.

"Boo." Edward whispered into his ear.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!" screeched a trembling Mike. He ran out of his parents' store faster than you could say anemone. (And if you're me that takes quite a while)

"What'd I miss?" Bella asked breathlessly after stepping out of class.

Edward smiled down at Bella, wrapping one of his perfect, stone arms around her. He watched her gaze follow Mike, who was running around outside like a chicken who'd just had its head chopped off. Her face crumpled in confusion.

"Seriously, what'd I miss?" She asked again.

Edward laughed and replied, "Oh nothing, just Mike being his usual inconsiderate self."

**FIN! Comment please, flames are welcome just not desired.**


End file.
